My friends are funny. I'm sure they are just like your friends. They love it when things happen to me. Not bad things mind you, but uncomfortable things. They love to hear about it. In fact, some of them can't wait with each passing week. It's like a routine with some of them. And for reasons unknown to mankind, they do seem to happen to me more than anyone else. It's like I'm a freaking magnet for the bizarre and unstable beings on the planet. And when they do happen (and trust me they do) I typically call them on the phone and tell them what happened this week. They sit back and grab a coffee, and then proceed to laugh their asses off at my expense.

They are in a nutshell. "Very hurtful."

I of course shake my head as I hear my own voice detailing my latest episode. "Dude you have to write about that!" One is always telling me. "Nah, who cares about that stuff?" I always answer. "I'm telling you, that is priceless!" But I am reluctant to write about silly surf incidents every week. After all, Surfing is supposed to be this "Good pure Vibe, where nothing bad ever happens." But we all know that's not the case.

Case in point this past Thursday.

Some of you may know that my son attends a college in the bordering state. That state also happens to have good surf. And one of those surf breaks is where I surfed for many years as a young single man. I loved that break and became so familiar with it that it had become my "Hometown break". I lived for the days when it would turn on. I spent my entire life devoted to that particular break, I knew everything about it. The tides, the winds, the swell directions. Everything. It was my break.

And I also knew the other surfers who felt the same way about this spot.

There were many. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The good ones were fun to surf with.
The others not so much. There was one individual in particular, who made surfing there almost intolerable. He and I have had a relationship over the years that bordered on insanity. I would put up with this individual over the years because the wave itself was that good. But on the days when the swell was not pulsing and you had to wait for the sets...well this person would erupt in a series of non stop profanity and absurd accusations that made my hair stand up.

His voice was most disturbing. If you are familiar with the Flintstone's cartoon and remember what their dog "Dino" sounded like, well that was his voice. That yapping freaking Dino voice booming over the water for years was as I said, almost intolerable. But because we are surfers, and we all want to catch and ride waves, we would find a way to shut that voice off, or create a filter so we didn't have to listen. And for the most part it worked.

This individual would be barking at anyone who came within barking distance, and just create a vibe in the water that turned many a surfer off. I would almost welcome it at times because, when he was barking at someone, I would be catching waves. I know that's bad. But I'm a surfer. You use what you can to catch waves. I would use his voice and negative demeanor. But of course some of his profanity was directed at me. And well, it was hard to ignore that. So I would engage with him. Verbal wars. I found myself saying things that later made me question my own sanity.

For this individual was able to bring out the worse in all of us. The very worse.

This went on for years. For decades. Then one day, life caught up to him. And the locals told me they would only see him every now and then. And then eventually, he was gone from the line-up. It was like everyone wanted to sing the Wizard of Oz song about the witch. I would go down every now and then, and surf the break. And when he wasn't there, I have to admit, it was a peaceful experience.

Last Thursday, the winds, the tides, and swell, were just right for my old home break.

I called my son and said I was coming down, and that we would surf this spot together for the first time. I had secretly fantasized about this session. Surfing this spot with my son for the first time would be memorable for both of us. I showed him the shortcuts in driving there. Where to park. Where to walk. And then finally, where to paddle out.

We paddled out together and it was just as I had envisioned it would be after all these years. I was smiling from ear to ear. And I did all I could not to be too overly excited.
We paddled past the inside section, and then on to the middle take-off spot where most of the hot shortboarders would sit, my son paused there while I kept going to my old spot. I was so happy I was almost gushing. That's when I heard it.

"Get the F- - K Out of Here! Paddle in Ralph!" The voice was unmistakable. Dino.

I lowered my head and hoped that my concussion was causing me to have flashbacks. "Please God, say it's not him..." I prayed to myself. When I looked up, there he was. Spewing forth an endless stream of ugly profanity aimed directly at me. I looked around at the others who were within earshot of the voice. All of them turned away. There were two big guys sitting next to the voice. I paddled towards them.

One of them was a guy I knew. Chris. He and I were friends from way back. I looked at the Voice and then instinctively said, "I heard that you had passed away and I felt terrible that I missed your service." "F- -K you Ralph!" "Now why you gotta be so hurtful? I came all this way to surf this break and this is the greeting I get?" "F- - K You Ralph! Nobody likes you here!" Just then, Chris turned and paddled towards me. "I like Ralph." And he extended his hand towards me.

We did the popular fist shake.

Then the bigger guy turned towards me and said "Wait, are you Ralph from Ralph's Pic Of the Week?" I nodded and he too paddled over and shook my hand. Thank God. Eventually all the others who were nearby, all said hello. They were all aware of this column, and more importantly, my "Catch A Wave For Molly" campaign.

"See, they all like me, why can't you?" I said to my old nemesis. "F- - K you Ralph! You suck! You can't take a good photo. Your movies suck. You can't write! Your website sucks. And your bands all suck!" I looked at the others who were trying not to laugh.

"Now why you gotta be so hurtful? What the hell is the matter with you?" I pleaded.

Then he grabbed my leash as I was paddling by. "Please don't do this. Please...you have no idea of what I've been through the last few weeks. Don't do this." He looked at me and with his sinister smile and let my leash go. "I've been taking Karate the last 3 years, I'm in the best shape of my life." *For the record, this is a line he has used for decades. "Now where have I heard that before? " I said.

"Look I came down here with my son to surf this break and enjoy some waves and remember the old days." I said to him. "How do you know he's your son? Have you done a DNA on him?" He says. "Now there you go again, why you being like that? Why do you have to be so hurtful?" "F- -K You Ralph!" he screamed.

I was doing all I could to keep things light. Then a set came in. I was in position while my friend was not. I paddled and he paddled. I clearly had the wave and could of easily dropped in. But I backed off and let him have it. He went to get to his feet and then bailed shoving the board away. It was an awkward moment. And I actually felt bad for him.

I could of said something, but I didn't. The wave behind it was not as big, but easily a wave that either one of us could of caught. So I called him into the wave. He looked surprised and regained his composure, and stroked hard. He caught it and rode that wave all the way into the inside. When he paddled back out I gave him props. "You looked really good on that wave. Was it it fun?" That's when he had a moment of weakness and let down his guard. "This is my first time back in the water in 4 years." I looked at him and smiled. "Well, you look like you have not skipped a beat. "

He unlocked his mean barrier, and we actually spoke like civilized human beings. We talked about a lot of things. At one point, he caught a wave and stopped by on the way back out to speak to my son. "I told your son not to end up like you." I laughed. "Thank you. I don't want him to be like me either. I want him to be better than me."

Another set came and I paddled hard for the first wave. I dropped in like I had for many years, punching hard off the bottom, and then pulled up into the pocket and got a nice little barrel then continued to work the wave with a series of cutbacks and top turns. The voice saw the whole thing. As I paddled back out, I heard him say so everyone could hear him.

"Nice wave you F- - king Kook!" I looked at him and smiled..."Thank you."

On the way home, I asked my son what he had said to him. "He said that me and your father used to rule this place. But we had a few differences along the way." I guess considering all that we have gone through, that was a positive.

And once again, my old mantra holds true. "Surfing Does Heal All Wounds"

For those who missed this review last couple of weeks. I was so stoked to see a review on my latest Movie The RUN REDUX in the latest ESM magazine. Click on the image below to see a larger version.

Or better yet pick up a copy in you favorite shop. Of course, you can always hit the ESM ad in the next column and check out their cool website. And if you don't have a copy of the RUN Redux ask your shop if they got em, or just order one from SURF FREE OR DIE. Either way, I'd be stoked...and who knows, you may be in the movie.

So some of you may have heard about my bump in the road this past week. If not check out the photos in the blog this week. I'm OK, but I'll have a scar that will always remind me about that day. I know I always say "Surfing Heals All Wounds." But I guess "Surfing Also Causes some wounds as well. "

Though the very next day I went back out...so it's true. Or still true, that Surfing Does HEAL all wounds, even the wounds, that surfing caused. Ouch...

Now for some of my Weekly Global Observances:
So after being in a good mood over the end of evil OBL, the reality of what is still going on the world continues. The terrible bombing in Pakistan by the Taliban killed 80 innocent Pakistanis. The potential terror threat in New York resulted in nabbing two suspects. The reality is...Yes we have killed Osama Bin Laden. But the Global War On Terrorism will go on. But we all knew that.

Our short lived victory is just that. Short lived. We must remain vigilant. And we are.

Meanwhile, the poor people and businesses down south are facing the worst floods in over 75 years. I don't know about you but I felt guilty last week. We were all celebrating OBL's death while the victims of the Tornadoes the week prior were still numb from that shock. And then this week? The flooding has been heartbreaking. We lost the use of our dishwasher this week, and I felt silly and ridiculous thinking of how hard we have it this week with no dishwasher. The news was on and I was watching people break down and cry over the loss of their homes and businesses.

I grabbed a sponge and washed the dishes and thanked the Lord for what we have.

The Celtics are history for this year. And the Bruins first game against the Lightening was not what we all had hoped it would be. But the series is still young. Though a sweep we will not see. They can do this. We need better defense and more productive power plays. It's Hockey. They know what they have to do.

OK back to Celeb loserville. I just heard that Ashton Kutcher is taking the role that Charlie "Winning" Sheen had with Two and half Men." No word on Charlie's take on this, but I'm guessing it can't be good. Not sure what Charlie will do, but I'm guessing there's gonna be a news conference soon.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: THE RUN REDUX IS OUT! Pick one up in the shops or email me and order one directly or go to www.surffreeordie.com
CHECK OUT Jimmy Dunn and his Funny ass friends at the
BLUE OCEAN MUSIC HALL Salisbury Beach, MA on May 20th!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ross Kunkel May 18th!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Rick McAvoy May 19th!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Kyle Howard May 19th!

Don't forget to Check the DAILY BLOG on My CATCH A WAVE FOR MOLLY. (Click
On the Banner on this page.) Started on July 26, 2010 ENDS July 26, 2011. A Wave
a day for 365 consecutive days. Just click on the banner ads on this page.

CHECK OUT THE NEW/Old YESTERDAY PAGE! ALL OLD New England and
beyond Surf Pics! *NEW PICS added each week!

*Check out the NEW updated DROPPING IN ON RALPH blog Section.
ALL of December, January, and February will be up soon . The DROPPING IN ON
RALPH section will be up to DATE as soon as I can find the time to do it. There's just so much a man can do in a single day. But I do want to update that page, as it is entertaining to say the least. Because there's some great letters from you guys from all over the world. (And a few hurtful ones too). But check it out.

*This is the blog section of this website where you can write in and comment. The only downside of this blog is, you actually have to use your REAL Name. No hiding behind some fake handle and name. If you want to comment, you have to man up, and be yourself. I will post all comments, both good and bad. You just have to be yourself.

Please Support ALL The photographers who contribute to Ralph's Pic Of The Week
every week for the last 8 years. **Think about BUYING a Photo from any of the weeks
on RPOTW as a GREAT Gift Idea. A nice framed photo of your favorite Surfer!

Remember my friends...Surfing Heals All Wounds....
Pray for Surf. Pray for Peace. Surf For Fun.

Ralph

(Above) Unknown Goofy foot in and under the lip. May 12th, 2011.
Photo By RALPH * Click on the photo above to see the Whole Gallery.

Today- May 11th, 2011- The WALL Photos By RALPH




(Above) Ryan Schnell at the Wall. The swell was pulsing all week. It was a simple
matter of luck of hitting it when it you went out. May 11th, 2011.
Photo By RALPH * Click on the photo above to see the Whole Gallery.

THE "CATCH A WAVE FOR MOLLY" video by JOE CARTER and
GET IN THE VAN is NOW on the SURFER'S JOURNAL Website and
now the ESPN website too! Wow!
To see it on this site go to the Molly Page.

http://www.surfersjournal.com/journal_entry/molly-motivation

CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTONS BELOW FOR ALL VIDEOS

Click above graphic for Daily BLOG or to DONATE to the Fundraiser.

(Above) This must be popular to do. Take a pic of your wound.
*Click on the photo above to see the Readers Gallery